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The Most Awkward Sex Ever? 8 Epic Holiday Hookup Tales

December 27, 2014 in Blogs

By Jenny Kutner, Salon

“I asked if he wanted to have sex — while he was talking about his dad having a stroke.”


It happens to the best of us: Home for the holidays, overwhelmed by clucking family members, one thing leads to another, and we hook up with people. Exes. Old friends. New friends. Neighbors. These sexual experiences happen for any number of reasons — curiosity, stress, desperation or straight-up opportunism — and are, so often, totally regrettable. But they are almost always hilarious.

Salon recently asked friends and readers for their most memorable holiday hookup stories. Below are amazing amazing anecdotes that run the gamut: Sex with an ex in his little brother’s bed. A bloody first time with a virtual stranger. The inadvertent taking of virginity. Each is as cheery as it is awkward.

Happy holidays, and enjoy:

(Editor’s note: The following responses have been lightly edited. Subjects’ names have been changed.)

1) The bloody sucker

Like many young ladies, I went off to college a little more demure than some of my friends. I had boyfriends in high school, but I had never looked a penis directly in the face. It was harder to meet people in college, though, so when I went home for winter break freshman year, I decided just to get it over with and lose my virginity to a guy there – preferably a boy I never had to see or talk to again, which would be a relief to me.

Late one night I got a text from Jack, a guy I had worked with at my shitty retail job the previous summer. We would flirt all the time, but had never seen each other socially, or at all outside work for that matter. We made plans to meet up later that night. Once I got to Jack’s house, it was only a matter of minutes before he was pawing at me vigorously. He picked me up and tossed me onto his bed, which I found to be hot, and tried to suck various pieces of flesh from my body, which I found to be aggressively un-hot. He pulled …read more

Source: ALTERNET

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