Not Everybody Went to Ashley Madison For Extramarital Sex
July 28, 2015 in Blogs
By Rachel Kramer Bussel, Salon
Every morning, I ask my boyfriend the same question: “How did you sleep?”
And every morning, I receive the same answer: “In a bed.” Wait—that’s not exactly right. Now that he has a fancy new Sleep Number, he’s adjusted it to “In a bed that goes up and down.”
It was funny the first few times I heard it, but quickly grew as tiring as hearing him say “Fine” when I ask how his day at work went. These are not our only linguistic battles.
Having never lived with a partner before, when I moved in with him two years ago, I assumed that we would talk about anything and everything, since we’d see each other much more often. What I didn’t take into account is that we have very different thresholds for what’s worth sharing. Whereas I am likely to blurt out every thought and emotion as they enter my mind, he plays his feelings much closer to the vest. I have to ask very pointed, specific questions, read his vocal cues, and often, simply be patient—and accept that sometimes I’m just never going to get him to tell me what he’s thinking or feeling. It’s taken a long while to accept this as part of his makeup, not a personal affront, or a sign that he doesn’t trust me. I’ve never been in as serious a relationship, and most of my previous ones have been with people who were more forthcoming. I don’t mean to imply that he never tells me what he’s feeling, just that it’s not such an easy thing for him.
This is often frustrating, and it’s also made me more self-conscious about sharing my emotional ups and downs, because that leaves me feeling like our relationship is lopsided: He comforts me when, say, I’m having a panic attack about an international trip, as I was last night, but I rarely get to comfort him in the same way. I recognize that maybe it’s narcissistic and unrealistic to expect him to …read more
Source: ALTERNET
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