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'Amusing Ourselves to Death' Part 2: The Story of Donald Trump and Sarah Palin

August 29, 2015 in Blogs

By Colin Greer, AlterNet

A satirical play starring two of America's biggest comic characters.

TRUMP’S chopper is landing at the Iowa State Fair Grounds for the Best Tasting Tomato competition.  HE clears the blades and he is escorted quickly to a platform where he is greeted by a crowd and an introductory welcome from SARAH PALIN.
To the crowd.
The Donald! Nothing more to say.  Here he is. 
With a nod and a hug to SARAH.
I came to a tomato competition here in Iowa, and I get the hottest tomato from Alaska to introduce me!  Twice blessed: Sarah here, on my team and you all out there cheering us on.  We are here to save America folks.  We are gonna make America great again.
Pointing to SARAH again.
Only the best!  This lady can shoot the head off a bear and with every breath I take I am pumping up America.
Lights shift to TRUMP AND PALIN alone together. 
Couldn’t have gone better than that.  HE hesitates for a moment.  Except for the fucking pork.  I hate pork.  That can’t happen again.
I’m not the caterer Donald, but the fact is, people in America like to see the candidates for President eating pork.  Especially in Iowa. You come from New York City and so people from out here expect you to want organic, maybe even Tofu.  So you gotta get past that. 
I won’t do pork again.  I’ll eat in my way.  They want someone who eats pork, let em go find him.
If you are gonna turn New York City dog turd into gold, or even bio-fuel…I don’t much care which, you gotta pick the stuff up.  You got a mouth like a latrine, it shouldn’t be so hard for you.
Done and done.  You know this was a big day for me.  I was given a Winchester rifle when I left New Hampshire and I sat with it all the way here on the chopper.  By the time I got off that chopper, I could honestly say to people, I mean really honestly, deep down from my heart, “I love guns!” That was such a great feeling today, Sarah, “I love …read more


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