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'A Serpent Covered in Vaseline': Conservative Writer Launches into Epic Tirade About Why He 'Despises' Ted Cruz So Much

September 25, 2018 in Blogs

By Cody Fenwick, AlterNet

Even his fellow Republicans can't stand the Texas senator.

Even in deep-red Texas, it looks like Democratic candidate Beto O'Rourke has a decent chance of unseating his Republican opponent for a U.S. Senate seat.

Why are O'Rourke's chances as good as they are? In part, his positive prospects stem from the persistent unlikability of incumbent Sen. Ted Cruz.

Observers have frequently commented on the fact that Cruz is particularly off-putting as a politician, and even many of his GOP colleagues have expressed open contempt for the Texas senator. But perhaps the best Cruz takedown yet was penned by New York Timesconservative columnist Bret Stephens in a dialogue with fellow op-ed writer Gail Collins.

“I like Beto O’Rourke, the Democratic challenger, and I like the idea that Texas can turn a bit purple if you have a candidate with energy, wit and a human touch,” Stephens wrote Tuesday. “The big reason is that I despise Ted Cruz. That is 'D-e-s-p-i-s-e,' in case I haven’t spelled out my loathing clearly enough. Would you like to know why?”

“Oh, gosh, please go on,” said Collins.

Stephens obliged:

Because he’s like a serpent covered in Vaseline. Because he treats the American people like two-bit suckers in 10-gallon hats. Because he sucks up to the guy who insulted his wife — by retweet, no less. Because of his phony piety and even phonier principles. Because I see him as the spiritual love child of the 1980s televangelist Jimmy Swaggart and Jack Nicholson’s character in “The Shining.” Because his ethics are purely situational. Because he makes Donald Trump look like a human being by comparison. Because “New York values.” Because his fellow politicians detest him, and that’s just among Republicans. Because he never got over being the smartest kid in eighth grade. Because he’s conniving enough to try to put one over you, but not perceptive enough to realize that you see right through him. Because he’s the type of man who would sell his family into slavery if that’s what it took to get elected. And that he would …read more


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